o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
