the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
