Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
