I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
