My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
