Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
