Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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