I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
3 2 1 whiskey
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
