dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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