I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
