Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
