Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
