I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
