saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Enjoy the penises
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
