She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
