I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
