you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
