i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
