life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
