There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
