I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
