I accidentally burped into my bong.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
