what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
