what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
