She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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