When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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