Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
