We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
