Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
