Someone shit on the floor
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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