Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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