Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
