Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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