My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
