Someone shit on the floor
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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