He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
