I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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