Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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