Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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