id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
