guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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