suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
