mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
