Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
