so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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