Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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