I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
