Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
