On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Let's get the cat blown out
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
