I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
soo... how was my night?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
