This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
