I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
