I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
